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SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION
DIRECTIONS:
Read each statement on the right,
and rank yourself from 0 to 4 using this
scale:
0 = almost never true
1 = rarely true
2 = sometimes true
3 = often true
4 = almost always true
Having healthy self-esteem DOES NOT MEAN a person...
- is egotistical or "full of himself."
- is a mean, uncaring, and insensitive to others.
- is bossy and has no true friends.
Having healthy
self-esteem DOES MEAN a person...
- has a deep-rooted faith in his/her own value.
- trusts himself and is
able to set appropriate boundaries.
- has personal integrity.
- "walks his walk" and is trustworthy.
- may find that other people are naturally attracted.
- is able to enjoy his everyday life/work/family and friends.
- takes good care of himself, his family, and his friends.
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
INTERPRETING THE RESULTS:
Add up your total score. This is not an exact tool.
The following is only intended as a rough guide -
96-100 = Possible sainthood 
85-95 = Healthy self-esteem range
75-84 = Average range
65-74 = Below average /
dis-advantaged
Below 64 = Low self-esteem / handicapped
The good news is that everyone can improve their
self-esteem if they are willing to do the work necessary.
The
first step is always to have the willingness to
acknowledge the problem.
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SELF ESTEEM EVALUATION:
____1. I seldom need
praise or acknowledgement to feel good about
myself and
the work that I do.
____2. I am content to spend time by myself. I can eat alone at a restaurant
and feel comfortable.
____3. I do not feel hurt, or upset, when others point
out mistakes that I
have made.
____4. I accept
people "as they are." I am not a fault-finder and I do not
gossip.
____5. I am happy when others are promoted, do well, or buy expensive
things. I am not a jealous person.
____6. I look in the mirror and I like who I see.
____7. I think of myself as a happy person. I feel lucky to be alive!
____8. I can assert my needs and speak
up for myself. I can speak up in a
group to assert my
values.
____9. I admit my mistakes and apologize sincerely.
____10. I do not feel I must please others.
I speak my truth.
____11. I tend to enjoy whatever I am doing. I am not easily frustrated, or
annoyed.
____12. I enjoy competition and DO NOT particularly mind
losing.
____13. I do not feel a need to defend my ideas or actions. It is OK with
me if someone else thinks differently.
____14. I am happy to
share my world views, and how I think about
various topics.
____15. When I am criticized, I stay calm and try to see the merit in the
criticism. I am not defensive.
____16. I accept my body the way it
is. I can smile lovingly at pictures of
myself.
____17. I know that their are people more fortunate, more successful,
wealthier, and smarter. I am fine with this and I do not think that
this makes these people more valuable than I am.
____18. My mood it
not particularly affected by "bad" weather.
____19. I do not hold grudges.
____20. I am not
a pack-rat.
____21. I keep my living space neat. I like to live in a clean,
well-organized environment.
____22. I often laugh when I make mistakes. I see my error and move to
change it.
____23. I do not blame
others for my moods, or my situation.
____24. I enjoy my life. I know that I can have fun with, or without, other
people.
____25. I think of myself
as a kind and generous person.
_________ = Total score
If you would like to come in and talk about
this issue, give us a call.
You can find out more about services available on our homepage (use the scroll-down menu
above.
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HELPING
YOUR CHILD BUILD HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM: AN ARTICLE
By Cliff Crain, MFT
What is “Self Esteem”?
So many definitions... so little understood!
Self-esteem is a basic psychological need, and while it is often discussed by many people (and ridiculed by some),
there is very little understanding of what the concept really means. After years of exploring this topic in graduate level
classes, in books and articles on the subject, in the schools where I worked as a counselor, in my private practice, and in
life itself; I have come to believe that most of us are blocked in our understanding of self esteem. This is largely due to
the self-esteem issues that impact our own lives. Like an Eskimo who has never left home trying to discuss “air conditioning”,
we are limited by our personal histories and our own self-esteem. Many of us have become more of a “human-doing”
than “human being”, trapped in a fast-paced life that seems to drive us to do and have more and more. Unless we
have really stopped to reflect upon our lives and to access our personal life priorities, it may be difficult to see the point
being made, or to fully understand the value of healthy self-esteem.
Self esteem is (1) experiencing yourself as
being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life, (2) appreciating your own worth, and (3) having the character to
be accountable for yourself and to act responsibly toward others.
Having healthy self-esteem permits us to feel
secure within ourselves. We "feel comfortable in our own skin" and it allows us to respond appropriately to challenges
and opportunities. Self-esteem empowers, energizes, and motivates. Healthy self-esteem is not the same as having an inflated
ego, or feeling better than everyone else. Self-esteem is not comparative. It is probably the single most important thing
we can give to our children, and to ourselves. It is not something we are naturally born with, and its development depends
upon the following virtues or practices:
#1 LIVING
MINDFULLY - being present to what we are doing.
#2
BEING SELF-ACCEPTING - respectfully accepting the
reality of our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
#3
BEING SELF-RESPONSIBLE - recognizing that we are the
author of our choices, and that we are the ultimate source
of our own fulfillment.
#4 BEING SELF-ASSERTIVE - honoring our wants and needs,
and standing
up for our convictions and values.
#5 LIVING WITH PURPOSE - setting personal goals and
staying focused.
#6 LIVING WITH INTEGRITY
- keeping promises, “walking
our talk”.
Self esteem is what we think of ourselves, not what someone else thinks or feels
about us. A person can be loved and respected by those in his/her life and still feel unloved if they do not value themselves.
Certainly, we could present a “false-self” that was confident, but inside we would still feel worthless. Outer
success and achievement is no solution either, as we could attain success without attaining healthy self-esteem and still
we would feel like an inposter waiting to be discovered.
So, if we see self-esteem as an essential of personal
fulfillment, how is it to be achieved? The answer is that attaining self esteem is an ongoing process and something that we
all can work on daily. If we want our children to develop healthy self esteem, and the ability to be all they can be, then
it is crucial that we put effort into working to improve our own sense of self worth. We simply cannot give what we do not
have, and our modeling of healthy self-esteem is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
__________________________________
Recommended books:
For Children:
Don’t Feed the Monster on Tuesdays by Moser
For Adults:
Celebrate Your Self
by Dorothy Briggs
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There are many judgments we must make in
the world, but none is more important than thejudgment we make
about ourself. This "self-evaluation" almost always has its roots in
our early childhood experiences. Thus, the most important beliefs, beliefs thatform the core of who we think we are in the world, were developed at a time when we had very little awareness and almost no control of our situation.
Our brain was NOT fully developed at the early stages on our life
when we were creating these crucial core beliefs.
In our formative childhood years we may have felt
unsafe in some way and had a need to armor ourself,
psychologically and emotionally. It's as if we needed to
learn how to hit a golf ball 300 yards to feel secure, and as
an adult we now find ourself on the "putting green" without the skills needed.
We are much more than our childhood beliefs and habits. If we are willing to begin the healing journey of claiming our healthy self-esteem.
(See EMDR: Is it for you?)
________________
________________
“We
all carry our parents around inside of us.
Their presence is always felt, still nagging, praising,
advising, threatening, and judging. To the extent that
our parents were wise and loving, their presence is useful....
When parents are unwise, insensitive, harsh,
unloving,
or misguided,
their presence is detrimental.”
- Jack Rosenberg and Marjorie Rand
Psychotherapists
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“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an
atmosphere where individual differences are
appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found
in a nurturing family.”
- Virginia Satir
Family Therapist
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