may not be possible to make this world into a beautiful garden,
but you can make a beautiful garden... a beautiful relationship...
in this world. The key is not LUCK, but willingness to see that
"love" is an decision, not a feeling.
Take this day and be the loving person you are capable of
In each moment, we are either moving
toward love or away from it.
It is always
Communication Class :
Based upon YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, by Debrah Tannen,
this class offers students an opportunity to learn powerful and effective communication techniques designed to improve relationships.
Go to "Classes & Workshops" to find the most current information about when and where
this class will be taught next.
offer couples an opportunity to explore their marital goals and techniques to improve effective communications. We have been
in the trenches (together for 25 years) and we have found many ways to help relationships thrive!
FOR MORE INFORMATION,
or . . .
IF YOU ARE READY TO
WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP,
CALL US AT (925)
"True love is not a feeling
which we are overwhelmed.
It is a committed, thoughtful decision."
- Scott Peck
"Love, the feeling,
is the fruit of love the action."
"People are lonely because they
instead of bridges."
for relationship self-evaluation:
Rate each statement
as to its truth related to your relationship over the past month. It is best if each member of the relationship does their
evaluation separately, and then spends time discussing the differences. Use this scale:
0 = hardly ever true
1 = rarely true
2 = sometimes true
3 = often true
4 = almost always true
____ 1. We identify and solve our problems together. We respect each
____ 2. We work together as a team. We do not put each other down.
____ 3. We make decisions together about most important things.
____ 4. We share our opinions, thoughts, and dreams without becoming
defensive or argumentative.
____ 5. We accept and work through our differences to find a common
lifestyle with regard to social status, image, and money
____ 6. We know and respect each others values with regard to religion,
morality, social concerns, and politics.
7. We accept and work through differences with regard to our
social life and choice of friends.
____ 8. We work through differences
and are able to share a basic
approach to gender roles, family life, and parenting.
____ 9. We often play together. We put fun into what we do together.
____ 10. We express our feelings openly and freely. We say when we
are scared, sad, hurting, angry, or happy. We are like
____ 11. We tell each other what we like
and dislike. We ask openly for
what we want from the other.
____ 12. We "let go" sexually
with each other. Sex is playful, close, free
from pressure or resistance.
____ 13. We listen, understand, and
empathize with each other, our
disappointments, hurts, and problems. We care for
each other and show it.
____ 14. We encourage and support each other (in words and actions) to
do those things that support personal growth and
____ 15. We are responsive and nurturing when
either of us is sick or
hurting. We can count on each other for loving support.
____ 16. We are emotionally supportive of each other when either of us
feels anxious, dependent,or wants to be cared for.
____ 17. We are able to talk about anything with each other. We respect
each other enough to wait for
a "good time" to discuss
____ 18. Overall, I am very satisfied with the closeness
and intimacy in
______ = total score
Interpreting results: Obviously, the higher the score the healthier your relationship
would appear to be. Relationships scoring under "55" would be considered non-supportive. One way to use this information
is to set behavioral goals that would encourage your relationship to grow and thrive.
Call the Center at (925) 855-1745 if you would like to explore this further.
you would like to come in and talk about your current relationship, give us
a call at the Center. We (Cliff & Liz) have been in a loving
relationship for more than twenty years now,
and we KNOW it is not always easy.
Let's discuss your four roles in a flourishing relationship:friend,
partner, lover, and individual – and how to develop yourself in all those roles. We can help you grow the loving relationship
you have always wanted. Contact us now at firstname.lastname@example.org
Isn't life far too short to live in
an unhappy relationship?
Couple’s Therapy: What Are Your Goals?*
A huge problem
for most couple’s that show up wanting “therapy” is that they cannot get what they want right away.
Many people find themselves getting frustrated and telling themselves that their relationship is doomed and that “therapy
just doesn’t work.” This usually
happens due to unrealistic goals. What are your goals?
Are you seeking “relief” or are you trying to get better at being a couple? Those seeking relief generally want one or all of the following: #1 immediate
relief from the constant stress felt in the relationship, and
#2 their partner to make changes in the way they behave, and #3 more
appreciation and loving treatment from their partner, and
#4 their partner to understand them better. Those seeking “relief” want their partner to comply with
their demands and expectations – and the sooner the better!
A more appropriate goal for couples reaching out for help, and relief, is to seek to GET BETTER at being a couple. This generally
takes a bit longer than anyone would like, but it is really the only way to successfully create the loving couple-relationship
desired. It requires each of us, as individuals, to give up the false belief that our partner is responsible for our happiness.
It requires us to look closely into the mirror. It requires us to have the courage to self-reflect and become the loving partner
we are capable of becoming. The following
ideas are designed to give us some appropriate goals for doing successful couple’s therapy.
“GETTING BETTER” IN RELATIONSHIPSGETTING BETTER is very different than seeking immediate relief.GETTING BETTER is about learning ways to find more
contentment and happiness within yourself, and not expecting your partner to make you happy.GETTING BETTER is about becoming more of who you are. It is about finding
your true path in life and enjoying the process of living on that path.GETTING BETTER means learning how to “self soothe” when you are feeling attacked or stressed
out.GETTING BETTER means learning
to accept your partner’s “quirks and flaws” and not making it your mission to change them into your ideal.
GETTING BETTER means learning
the humbling lesson that we can only change ourselves.GETTING BETTER means coming to understand how much BOTH partners impact each other in positive and
negative ways. GETTING BETTER
means learning that when your partner lets you down (this is a normal event) that there are better ways than attacking/demanding/withdrawing!GETTING BETTER means learning how to refuse
to let disappointments turn into global negative beliefs about their partner’s horrible motives.GETTING BETTER means learning that life is supposed to
have “little glitches” and that “catastrophizing” only makes the situation much worse.GETTING BETTER is learning how to sit calmly with
disagreements, and finding ways to negotiate “win-win” solutions at an appropriate time. We learn to “agree
to disagree” without harboring resentments. GETTING
BETTER is learning how to have a real interest in who your partner is and being more appreciative of small improvements
and efforts made.GETTING BETTER is
about becoming more pro-active (rather than re-active) in our lives. We do not blame our partner. We learn how to set and
keep appropriate boundaries. Most of us have not learned the skills necessary to be in a mature, healthy adult
relationship. It is highly likely that you did not have the good fortune to have the skills listed above modeled by your parents.
The does not mean a loving and supportive relationship is beyond your reach. A skilled therapist can assist willing people
to acquire the necessary skills to “GET BETTER” in relationships. You deserve to be co-creating a loving relationship. If you have this as a goal, we may
be able to help.
the Center (925-855-1745) today to set up your life-changing therapy.
* Ideas expressed here were found in a wonderful
article entilted "REFLECTIONS ON DOING COUPLES THERAPY "
Bader, PhD., and Peter Pearson, PhD. The Couples Institute http://www.couplesinstitute.com
for Creative Living
199 East Linda Mesa, suite 4
Danville, California #94526
(925) 855-1745 Fax: (925) 829-9426
Serving Alamo, Concord, Dublin, Danville, Lafeyette, Pleasanton,
Pleasant Hill, SanRamon, Walnut Creek, and the Bay Area since 1994