It may not be possible to make this world into a beautiful garden, but you can make a beautiful garden... a beautiful relationship... in this world. The key is not LUCK, but willingness to see that "love" is an decision, not a feeling. Take this day and be the loving person you are capable of being. In each moment, we are either moving toward love or away from it. It is always your choice.
Couples Communication Class : Based upon YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, by Debrah Tannen, this class offers students an opportunity to learn powerful and effective communication techniques designed to improve relationships.  Go to "Classes & Workshops" to find the most current information about when and where this class will be taught next. Pre-marital Counseling: We offer couples an opportunity to explore their marital goals and techniques to improve effective communications. We have been in the trenches (together for 25 years) and we have found many ways to help relationships thrive! FOR MORE INFORMATION, or . . . IF YOU ARE READY TO WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP,  CALL US AT   (925) 855-1745 "True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision."                   - Scott Peck ____________________ "Love, the feeling, is the fruit of love the action."                    -Scott Peck _________________ "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."                 - ANON	Directions for relationship self-evaluation: Rate each statement as to its truth related to your relationship over the past month. It is best if each member of the relationship does their evaluation separately, and then spends time discussing the differences. Use this scale: 0 = hardly ever true 1 = rarely true 2 = sometimes true 3 = often true 4 = almost always true _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ ____ 1. We identify and solve our problems together. We respect each                      other's opinions. ____ 2. We work together as a team. We do not put each other down. ____ 3. We make decisions together about most important things. ____ 4. We share our opinions, thoughts, and dreams without becoming                    defensive or argumentative. ____ 5. We accept and work through our differences to find a common                    lifestyle with regard to social status, image, and money                    priorities. ____ 6. We know and respect each others values with regard to religion,                    morality, social concerns, and politics. ____ 7. We accept and work through differences with regard to our                    social life and choice of friends. ____ 8. We work through differences and are able to share a basic                            approach to gender roles, family life, and parenting. ____ 9. We often play together. We put fun into what we do together. ____ 10. We express our feelings openly and freely. We say when we                      are scared, sad, hurting, angry, or happy. We are like                      best-friends. ____ 11. We tell each other what we like and dislike. We ask openly for                      what we want from the other. ____ 12. We "let go" sexually with each other. Sex is playful, close, free                       from pressure or resistance. ____ 13. We listen, understand, and empathize with each other, our                               disappointments, hurts, and problems. We care for                       each other and show it. ____ 14. We encourage and support each other (in words and actions) to                        do those things that support personal growth and                        emotional health. ____ 15. We are responsive and nurturing when either of us is sick or                            hurting. We can count on each other for loving support. ____ 16. We are emotionally supportive of each other when either of us                         feels anxious, dependent,or wants to be cared for. ____ 17. We are able to talk about anything with each other. We respect                         each other enough to wait for a "good time" to discuss                         hot topics. ____ 18. Overall, I am very satisfied with the closeness and intimacy in                         our relationship. ________________ ______     =     total score Interpreting results: Obviously, the higher the score the healthier your relationship would appear to be. Relationships scoring under "55" would be considered non-supportive. One way to use this information is to set behavioral goals that would encourage your relationship to grow and thrive. Call the Center at (925) 855-1745 if you would like to explore this further. ____________________________________________________________
Specializations About the Center About Therapy Classes & Workshops Support Groups Return to HOMEPAGE	If you would like to come in and talk about your current relationship, give us a call at the Center. We (Cliff & Liz) have been in a loving  relationship for more than twenty years now, and we KNOW it is not always easy.      Let's discuss your four roles in a flourishing relationship: friend, partner, lover, and individual – and how to develop yourself in all those roles. We can help you grow the loving relationship you have always wanted. Contact us now at 4creativeliving@sbcglobal.net Isn't life far too short to live in an unhappy relationship?
Couple’s Therapy: What Are Your Goals?*                A huge problem for most couple’s that show up wanting “therapy” is that they cannot get what they want right away.  Many people find themselves getting frustrated and telling themselves that their relationship is doomed and that “therapy just doesn’t work.”     This usually happens due to unrealistic goals. What are your goals?     Are you seeking “relief” or are you trying to get better at being a couple?     Those seeking relief generally want one or all of the following:             #1 immediate relief from the constant stress felt in the relationship, and             #2 their partner to make changes in the way they behave, and             #3 more appreciation and loving treatment from their partner, and             #4 their partner to understand them better.     Those seeking “relief” want their partner to comply with their demands and expectations – and the sooner the better!     A more appropriate goal for couples reaching out for help, and relief, is to seek to GET BETTER at being a couple. This generally takes a bit longer than anyone would like, but it is really the only way to successfully create the loving couple-relationship desired. It requires each of us, as individuals, to give up the false belief that our partner is responsible for our happiness. It requires us to look closely into the mirror. It requires us to have the courage to self-reflect and become the loving partner we are capable of becoming.     The following ideas are designed to give us some appropriate goals for doing successful couple’s therapy. ABOUT “GETTING BETTER” IN RELATIONSHIPS GETTING BETTER is very different than seeking immediate relief. GETTING BETTER is about learning ways to find more contentment and happiness within yourself, and not expecting your partner to make you happy. GETTING BETTER is about becoming more of who you are. It is about finding your true path in life and enjoying the process of living on that path. GETTING BETTER means learning how to “self soothe” when you are feeling attacked or stressed out. GETTING BETTER means learning to accept your partner’s “quirks and flaws” and not making it your mission to change them into your ideal. GETTING BETTER means learning the humbling lesson that we can only change ourselves. GETTING BETTER means coming to understand how much BOTH partners impact each other in positive and negative ways. GETTING BETTER means learning that when your partner lets you down (this is a normal event) that there are better ways than attacking/demanding/withdrawing! GETTING BETTER means learning how to refuse to let disappointments turn into global negative beliefs about their partner’s horrible motives. GETTING BETTER means learning that life is supposed to have “little glitches” and that “catastrophizing” only makes the situation much worse. GETTING BETTER is learning how to sit calmly with disagreements, and finding ways to negotiate “win-win” solutions at an appropriate time. We learn to “agree to disagree” without harboring resentments. GETTING BETTER is learning how to have a real interest in who your partner is and being more appreciative of small improvements and efforts made. GETTING BETTER is about becoming more pro-active (rather than re-active) in our lives. We do not blame our partner. We learn how to set and keep appropriate boundaries.       Most of us have not learned the skills necessary to be in a mature, healthy adult relationship. It is highly likely that you did not have the good fortune to have the skills listed above modeled by your parents. The does not mean a loving and supportive relationship is beyond your reach. A skilled therapist can assist willing people to acquire the necessary skills to “GET BETTER” in relationships.     You deserve to be co-creating a loving relationship. If you have this as a goal, we may be able to help.     Call the Center (925-855-1745) today to set up your life-changing therapy.               * Ideas expressed here were found in a wonderful article entilted "REFLECTIONS ON DOING COUPLES THERAPY " by Ellyn Bader, PhD., and Peter Pearson, PhD.  The Couples Institute   http://www.couplesinstitute.com Center for Creative Living 199 East Linda Mesa, suite 4 Danville, California #94526 Phone: (925) 855-1745 Fax: (925) 829-9426 email: 4creativeliving@sbcglobal.net ______________________________________________________________ Serving Alamo, Concord, Dublin, Danville, Lafeyette, Pleasanton, Pleasant Hill, SanRamon, Walnut Creek, and the Bay Area since 1994